I guess I'm idealist at heart. I grew up with an understanding or at least some awareness of my potential. That's a blessing and a curse because of course I could never reach my potential and that's depressing.
When I was growing up the oldest in my family, I was the one my mom wanted to fill her visions of what life she didn't have, or in other words, I was pressured to reach the potential that she saw in herself and couldn't reach.
I didn't respond well to pressure, especially when it wasn't coupled with support and loving relationships. But it was a blessing. I was able to grow as an idealist who has chosen to develop high standards, even when not able to reach them always. I also determined that I would be a devoted parent because...well, let's just spit it out...mine weren't. Sure they had dreams and love for us kids...but we describe our parents as "hands off," oh, and emotionally unavailable.
Simply put, I didn't meet theirs and they didn't meet mine. Expectations. Sometimes those are the very things that define relationships.
With my kids I can see lessons I've learned and traditions I'm mired down in.
What I have done is made a choice with my husband's support for my life and my kids. I have been blessed with a confirmation to know it's the right thing for us, or at least one of the right things that we could have chosen. And we've been blessed to be able to do it. I've been blessed with a supportive and like-minded husband. I couldn't do it alone.
So even though I am so far from perfect, I was able to make a good decision. And I am committed to it. So even when we don't have great days, I stick with my decision. I have never regretted it. I like our lifestyle. I can see how it's been such a great benefit to our family. I am a believer.
That's why I try. Every day.
